I do not like the term bounce back, as in bounce back from trauma, disaster, pain, and loss. To me, the term expects us to find a way to get back to how we were before it happened. That is impossible and illogical. Our experiences, positive and negative, shape who we are. No one stays the same.
Living in Los Angeles, I have been inundated with emails, posts, news, and podcast episodes suggesting ways to bounce back. This is not comforting. In fact, it feels like gaslighting. “Pretend it didn’t happen. Go back to the way it was.”
I am particularly sensitive to terms like bounce back, shake it off, or you’re fine when talking with kids who experience pain or loss.
🔎Why?
The world can be unpredictable and unfair. Young children, in particular, may not have the vocabulary to express or the experience to understand how things as big as natural disasters or as personal as the loss of a pet affect them.
🔎What do we say when we talk to kids about pain and loss?
👉We “listen”. We don’t “say”.
👉We “acknowledge”. We don’t “suggest”.
👉We “ask”. We don’t “tell”.
👉We “model” how we cope. We don’t “gaslight” and “move on”.
🔎How do we do that?
Create some quiet time ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ that is conducive to impromptu conversation.
Take a quiet drive in the car. 🚙 Kids often open up on a drive, especially when they are in the back seat and you are in the front.
Do some art. 🖌️ Self expression is a comfort.
Write a story. 📖 Feelings come out in stories. Does your child have a journal? If your kids are young, they can dictate a story or a caption to a drawing.
Try an app like “Help Kids Cope”.
Breathe: Smell the Flowers 🌷 (breathe in), Blow out the Candle 🕯️(breathe out).
If you want support helping yourself and/or your kids learn, grow, understand, and cope, contact me.
Download a list "Books That Help Children Understand & Recognize Emotions.
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