Who's in Charge: Your Worrier or You?

• What if my child doesn't learn to read?

• What if they fall behind in school?

• What if my child gets bullied?

• What if they never become independent?

If you frequently find yourself asking questions like these, your worrier may be taking charge.

This is your parent-brain on high alert, constantly scanning for threats—both real and imagined.

When did we parents get a memo that we are supposed to be on high alert all the time?

Are we really supposed to anticipate every possible obstacle, prevent every possible problem, and, if we can't prevent it, make sure our children have the skills to handle it themselves?

Some worry is useful. It helps us notice problems, plan ahead, protect our children and respond when something needs our attention.

But your worrier isn't supposed to work a 24-hour shift.

When your worrier doesn't take a substantial break, staying on red alert can contribute to:

• anxiety

• difficulty focusing

• fatigue

• little patience

• a short fuse

• constantly reminding your kids to be careful

• frequent demands to look out, do better, or be better

And there's another cost.

You miss what's happening right in front of you.

Instead of:

**Look how cute.

**Look how resourceful.

**Look how interesting.

Your brain is busy with:

What if...?

Giving your worrier a break also gives your children some breathing room.

When we're constantly anticipating what might go wrong, our children can absorb some of that worry. They may become fearful, overly cautious, less confident—or they may simply start tuning us out because there is too much for them to process.

That doesn't mean you should stop paying attention.

It means you don't have to respond to every possible future problem as if it's happening today.

But giving your worrier a break is hard.

So try talking to it.

“OK, Worrier. Take a break. My kid has got this.”

“OK, Worrier. GEMO. I've done Good Enough today. I'm Moving On.”

“OK, Worrier. I don't want to miss these precious moments, so I'm putting you on hold.”

And sometimes your worrier actually has something useful to say.

That's when you can tell it:

“OK, Worrier. You're right. I need to plan my strategy—but not now. Into the parking lot you go.”

You aren't ignoring the problem.

You're deciding when you're going to deal with it,

so you don't spend your childhood years as a parent on red alert.